(Edited to meet certain standards set forth by my Canadian readership)
In 2006, Mandy decided to do something for me that I had always wanted but no one ever did....throw me a surprise party for my birthday. Now readers, many of you have never met my ex-wife before but one of her most endearing qualities is her inability to keep something like this a secret. Anytime there's a surprise involved, she just couldn't keep it quiet or she would be so excited that she'd inadvertently give it away. Usually every year for Christmas she would ask everyone weeks in advance if she could tell them what she got them.
For as long as we had been together I had always said that I wanted someone to throw me a surprise birthday party. She tried her best but I saw it coming a mile away. It was scheduled to happen after a work shift close to my birthday. As I was pulling into the driveway to my house in Mesa, Mandy came running out to tell me to go across the street and go Christmas shopping with Jenny. She could have played it so much cooler but there was this excited panic in her that stressed that I not go home to change but proceed directly across the street to Jenny. I decided to play along and be a good sport so I went across the street where Jenny was ready to take me to the mall and look at video games to buy Danny for Christmas.
Jenny was much cooler than Mandy was about everything but even then Jenny isn't (in my experience anyways) the best liar. I could tell something was up but I continued to play dumb. We went to the mall and shopped for a bit and of course Jenny kept looking at the time because she clearly had a deadline where she was supposed to get me back home for the party.
When we finally did make it back, we walked over to my house and I tried to open the door. I got it about an inch open before Mandy slammed it on the other side and locked it. I could hear her on the other end not knowing what to do since she had pretty much denied me entrance into my home for no good reason. She panicked and then said the first thing she could think of which was "You can't come in yet!......" I stood there with Jenny who could hardly contain herself with the ridiculousness of the situation. After about 30 seconds she then shouted through the door, "OK, you can come in now!" Jenny and I walked through the door and of course all my friends were there waiting and said "Surprise!"
The entire thing was no surprise but the effort and gesture were what really counted. It was one of the best birthdays I'd ever had. Since then I have yet to have someone do something similar for me. When you're the guy who does the above and beyond stuff for everyone else it's sometimes a little sad that people rarely can return the favors but when they do it makes it all the more special. I'm not necessarily saying that it should be me, but think of a good friend of yours and decide to do something that's a little above and beyond for them, because you never know how far such a gesture can go. For all you know, you could end up creating a happy memory that someone remembers for the rest of their life.
And that's the story of my 24th birthday.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
...When I Decided It Would Be Best Just to Leave
I've always said that marriage is a sacred bond between 2 people that should never be tampered with. As the phrase goes, "What God has joined together, let no man tear asunder." For the sake of this story not causing any drama I'm going to censor a person's name so this story doesn't get back to her. When you read you'll figure out why.
Upon arrival, I was greeted by old friends from high school who were also in attendance. It was good to see the people I used to spend everyday with and what the last 2 years had brought them. As I made my way through the crowds I went toward the reception line where the wedding party waited to greet all their guests. When I made my way to *******, she was glad to see me. We hugged and made brief pleasantries before I continued down the line to meet my old friend's new husband. I smiled and put out my hand to shake and introduced my self,
"Hi, I'm Henry."
"Lizano?" he responded in what sounded like a defensive tone
"Yeah!" I said still smiling and glad to meet him
"Yes....I've heard of you...." he replied, sounding slightly annoyed
"Oh...okay..well, congratulations." I said.
He thanked me and then I quickly finished down the wedding party line. I began wondering what had just happened. What did he mean by "Yes, I've heard of you"? He seemed troubled by my presence. Exactly how many "Henry" stories has this guy heard? Did he know I was invited? Did that just happen or did I imagine it?
I was slightly confused by the cold reception I had received by the groom and so I knew there was but one option. I left. I could have stayed, there were more than enough friends around and I was certainly a good friend of the bride, but in the end, it wasn't my day.....it was theirs. I have great respect for marriage as should everyone. Unfortunately, we live in a world where not everyone does and so in a world of bad examples sometimes its best to buck the trend and do the right thing. I never mentioned what happened to ******* that night. Because even though her husband had no reason to be jealous or feel threatened, I wouldn't dare come between a husband and wife, even if it was inadvertent. Seeing that there's a possibility that I could cause issues, as silly as the truth was, it was best just to leave it be.
******* and I kept in contact for the next several years through facebook until one day I noticed she had randomly unfriended me. To this day I wonder if her husband had anything to do with that. Regardless, I heard that the two of them are still married and even recently welcomed their first child into the world. So as far as I know...they're happy...... and that's all I ask for my old friend.
And that's the story of when I decided it would be best just to leave.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
...the First Time I Used the Word "Divorce" in a Personal Context
It was the end off Summer-beginning of Fall 2010 when my marriage began to fall apart. When I knew that it was indeed over and without hope of recovery, it was time to start letting people know what was going on, but for some reason, I had been avoiding using the word "divorce".
The first time I remember even using the word (in the context of personal relevance) I was at work. “I’m getting divorced” I told my bosses when explaining my situation and why I needed to transfer out of state. It felt funny coming out of my mouth. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a small sense of bewilderment going through my mind at the time. Mandy and I had never used the word in discussing our situation. We both had come to an understanding on it, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. I like to think that she’d felt the same way since she hadn’t actually used the “D” word yet either. I suppose it makes sense that work was the first to actually hear the word from me. I needed to impress upon them the dire straits of my circumstances and I saw no better alternative.
When I had told my parents the night before, I’d worded things differently. I didn’t know what to tell them. The shame of it all, the embarrassment, it left me…weak. How could I tell my parents that their son has failed? How could I express to them that what they’ve managed for nearly 30 years I could barely go over 6? I honestly don’t even remember the exact words I used, only that I broke my “no crying while I tell them” rule after a single sentence.
My parents told me to be strong; they assured me that I wasn’t a failure and that I wasn’t letting anyone down. I appreciated their sentiments, but I didn’t necessarily buy them. I couldn’t help but feel the way I did. Being married for 6 years had become both an accomplishment and a bragging right within my social circles. By 27 I had seen all but mine and one other set of friend’s marriages end. “How do you do it?” people would ask. And of course I would have all the answers and everyone would look at me like I was the guy who’s figured it all out. Heck, maybe I was even thinking that I was giving people hope. I remember Mandy telling me that her friend cynically saw our marriage as the last good example of a marriage because before we came along, her life had been filled with only bad examples.
I also couldn’t help but remember how so many people let me up on my high horse to preach my words of wisdom. I wonder what those people think now? In truth, I still stand behind everything I had said to them. I don’t take back a single word, I just hoped then as I do now that all the folks who listened to me aren’t as disillusioned with me as I was at the time.
I imagine my parents were probably the hardest people to tell and I suppose I couldn’t really bring myself to use the D word with them. The whole thing was so emotional that the inclusion of the word would have only deepened the shock and pain felt on both sides of the conversation. When I told work however, I told it to people I was far more removed from. Aside from using the word to accentuate my need for a transfer out of state, it was also easier to remove myself emotionally from the world and therefore say it without breaking down again like I had the night before when I couldn’t bring myself to say the word, much less use it in a sentence.
And that's the story of the first time I used the word "divorce" in a personal context.
Monday, March 14, 2011
...How I Ended Up Living In Oklahoma for 2 Years
In 2008 my then wife and I had just graduated from ASU and had plans to further her education at the University of London. She had been accepted into a highly competitive and prestigious masters college there and we had been scrimping and saving every penny to afford the trip and establish ourselves. We each had different jobs and things we were suppposed to be doing to prepare for the trip and one of her jobs was to get our visas in order.
In October of that year, after packing up our entire lives and saying goodbye to our life in Arizona we got on a plane and flew from Phoenix to New York and then from New York to London. When we arrived in London, going through customs at Heathrow we learned that our visas were done incorrectly and our admittance into the country had to be put under revue since we declared we'd be planning on staying for longer than 6 months.
And so began what was one of the longest and most uncomfortable moments of our lives. We were photographed and fingerprinted and then detained in a waiting area for around 12 hours while they decided what to do about us. During the period of time we were fed and government officials did check in with us from time to time to make sure we were being taken care of. So I can't say we were treated inhumanely, still it was uncomfortable and stressful to learn that the new life you had scrimped and saved for might not happen.
Sure enough, after waiting for 12 hours and being awake and traveling for over 24, we were informed that we would not be allowed into the country and that the Brittish tax payers would be flying us back to New York. It wasn't much later that we boarded a Virgin Atlantic flight to JFK. It would be another 6 hours before we landed in New York City and by then it was close to midnight and the 2 of us were utterly defeated. With thousands of dollars left in our bank account we had no problem checking into a Hilton close to the airport where we slept for the first time in nearly 2 days.
Mandy's heart was broken. The amount of time and money it would take to fix the visas and fly back to the UK was beyond both our stamina and our budget. My wife was so depressed and defeated she couldn't even bare to tell anyone the news so the next day we decided to add another night at the Hilton to recoup, and I called everyone to give them the news and inform them that all questions and communications would go through me. If my wife is too upset to talk to anyone than I was going to make sure that everyone knew who they should expect to speak to.
All I wanted was for her to be happy and so I asked what she wanted. She said that she wanted to go home to Oklahoma. Looking at her, all broken hearted I couldn't deny her. So without any thought or arguement I just said "Okay." I booked 2 tickets to Tulsa for the next day and we went and stayed with her parents. With a comfortable nest egg we were able to keep paying our bills and I quickly got a job at Enterprise. In a few more weeks we flew back to Phoenix to collect Charley and the rest of our belongings and then with the help of my brother Jared and Travis, drove back to Oklahoma and move into our apartment we had just gotten there.
All in all, living there took its toll on us and 2 years later Travis was driving me right back to Arizona but the like everything in life, it was an experience. One that I learned from and one that helped shape who I am today. I'll be honest, if I could do it all again knowing what I know now I might have done things a little differently, but that's life....it's what we make of it.
And that's the story of how I ended up living in Oklahoma for 2 years.
In October of that year, after packing up our entire lives and saying goodbye to our life in Arizona we got on a plane and flew from Phoenix to New York and then from New York to London. When we arrived in London, going through customs at Heathrow we learned that our visas were done incorrectly and our admittance into the country had to be put under revue since we declared we'd be planning on staying for longer than 6 months.
And so began what was one of the longest and most uncomfortable moments of our lives. We were photographed and fingerprinted and then detained in a waiting area for around 12 hours while they decided what to do about us. During the period of time we were fed and government officials did check in with us from time to time to make sure we were being taken care of. So I can't say we were treated inhumanely, still it was uncomfortable and stressful to learn that the new life you had scrimped and saved for might not happen.
Sure enough, after waiting for 12 hours and being awake and traveling for over 24, we were informed that we would not be allowed into the country and that the Brittish tax payers would be flying us back to New York. It wasn't much later that we boarded a Virgin Atlantic flight to JFK. It would be another 6 hours before we landed in New York City and by then it was close to midnight and the 2 of us were utterly defeated. With thousands of dollars left in our bank account we had no problem checking into a Hilton close to the airport where we slept for the first time in nearly 2 days.
Mandy's heart was broken. The amount of time and money it would take to fix the visas and fly back to the UK was beyond both our stamina and our budget. My wife was so depressed and defeated she couldn't even bare to tell anyone the news so the next day we decided to add another night at the Hilton to recoup, and I called everyone to give them the news and inform them that all questions and communications would go through me. If my wife is too upset to talk to anyone than I was going to make sure that everyone knew who they should expect to speak to.
All I wanted was for her to be happy and so I asked what she wanted. She said that she wanted to go home to Oklahoma. Looking at her, all broken hearted I couldn't deny her. So without any thought or arguement I just said "Okay." I booked 2 tickets to Tulsa for the next day and we went and stayed with her parents. With a comfortable nest egg we were able to keep paying our bills and I quickly got a job at Enterprise. In a few more weeks we flew back to Phoenix to collect Charley and the rest of our belongings and then with the help of my brother Jared and Travis, drove back to Oklahoma and move into our apartment we had just gotten there.
All in all, living there took its toll on us and 2 years later Travis was driving me right back to Arizona but the like everything in life, it was an experience. One that I learned from and one that helped shape who I am today. I'll be honest, if I could do it all again knowing what I know now I might have done things a little differently, but that's life....it's what we make of it.
And that's the story of how I ended up living in Oklahoma for 2 years.
...The Most Cowardly Thing I've Ever Done
I'm no stranger to a broken heart. My heart's been beaten, bruised, crushed, shattered, stomped on and whatever other similar metaphor you can think of. I can remember my most humiliating rejection was when my junior high girlfriend Lisa decided to break up with me after a month by leaving it on my family's voicemail for all to hear when we got back from a family outing.
As you can imagine, at the delicate age of 13, it didn't feel so great.
So why I did what I did 2 years later may be one of my most shameful moments. You see a break up is never an easy thing for anyone whether you're 13 or 30. In my experience, the best way to go about these things, while never easy, is to do it face to face; because if you're gonna dump someone, you should at least have the common courtesy to show respect and be upfront with the person.
So I was 15 and had recently been dumped by my girlfriend of 9 months, which at 15 was like 9 years. My sister and I had a shared friend named Nicole. I had previously harbored a schoolyard crush on her from the time she moved across the street from us in elementary school up until that point in time and so when Nicole decided she wanted to hang around more after my breakup, you can imagine that I wasn't about to protest.
I want to say it was about a month after my breakup that I first built up the nerve to kiss Nicole. We started "going out" on Valentine's Day and for the next 2 weeks we were making out whenever no one was looking and for as long as possible. She became head over heels for me as most junior high crushes do but coming off of my previous breakup, I just really wasn't ready for the responsibilty of being a boyfriend again so soon. Sure I was full of teenage hormones and so when the timing was right I was never against the idea of a good old fashioned make out session, but I eventually got to the point to where I first learned about rebounds and how you don't always see them coming until it's too late.
My friends knew what I was feeling and put constant pressure on me to break up with her but I was just too scared to do it. I didn't want to break anyone's heart, especially after mine had just been broken not too much earlier. Finally I decided to do it and....well...I'm not proud of how I did it but I suppose we all have our less proud moments in life that humanize us. It was between periods where we would usually pass each other and sneak a hug and kiss that she saw me and smiled and I smiled back with what may be the most dishonest smile I ever wore. She gave me a hug and a kiss and then I gave her the note.
That's right, I wrote a break up note that she gladly accepted thinking it was just another love letter. She walked off to her next class with a folded up time bomb ready to destroy her and while I wasn't there to see it go off. I sure heard about it. What I did was the act of a 15 year old boy and not the man I am today but it's still no excuse for my actions. That was the one and only time I ever broke up with someone and I did it in one of the worst, most disrespectful ways I could have. Not only did I act like a chicken in the way I broke up with her but I also did a great disservice to one of my oldest friends. She did eventually forgive me but it took a while and the process wasn't fun. I suppose if nothing else I learned from my mistake and was able to grow from it, but still, I knew better.
And that's the story of the most cowardly thing I've ever done.
As you can imagine, at the delicate age of 13, it didn't feel so great.
So why I did what I did 2 years later may be one of my most shameful moments. You see a break up is never an easy thing for anyone whether you're 13 or 30. In my experience, the best way to go about these things, while never easy, is to do it face to face; because if you're gonna dump someone, you should at least have the common courtesy to show respect and be upfront with the person.
So I was 15 and had recently been dumped by my girlfriend of 9 months, which at 15 was like 9 years. My sister and I had a shared friend named Nicole. I had previously harbored a schoolyard crush on her from the time she moved across the street from us in elementary school up until that point in time and so when Nicole decided she wanted to hang around more after my breakup, you can imagine that I wasn't about to protest.
I want to say it was about a month after my breakup that I first built up the nerve to kiss Nicole. We started "going out" on Valentine's Day and for the next 2 weeks we were making out whenever no one was looking and for as long as possible. She became head over heels for me as most junior high crushes do but coming off of my previous breakup, I just really wasn't ready for the responsibilty of being a boyfriend again so soon. Sure I was full of teenage hormones and so when the timing was right I was never against the idea of a good old fashioned make out session, but I eventually got to the point to where I first learned about rebounds and how you don't always see them coming until it's too late.
My friends knew what I was feeling and put constant pressure on me to break up with her but I was just too scared to do it. I didn't want to break anyone's heart, especially after mine had just been broken not too much earlier. Finally I decided to do it and....well...I'm not proud of how I did it but I suppose we all have our less proud moments in life that humanize us. It was between periods where we would usually pass each other and sneak a hug and kiss that she saw me and smiled and I smiled back with what may be the most dishonest smile I ever wore. She gave me a hug and a kiss and then I gave her the note.
That's right, I wrote a break up note that she gladly accepted thinking it was just another love letter. She walked off to her next class with a folded up time bomb ready to destroy her and while I wasn't there to see it go off. I sure heard about it. What I did was the act of a 15 year old boy and not the man I am today but it's still no excuse for my actions. That was the one and only time I ever broke up with someone and I did it in one of the worst, most disrespectful ways I could have. Not only did I act like a chicken in the way I broke up with her but I also did a great disservice to one of my oldest friends. She did eventually forgive me but it took a while and the process wasn't fun. I suppose if nothing else I learned from my mistake and was able to grow from it, but still, I knew better.
And that's the story of the most cowardly thing I've ever done.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
...the Time I Had to Buy My Girlfriend A Second Plane Ticket.
My boss Laura was talking to me about things she wishes her long distance boyfriend would do for her. One item in particular caught my ear, not because I had done it but because it had been done for me.
It was 2003 and I was in a long distance relationship and unfortunately for me, I was in love. While being in love is a wonderful and beautiful thing, anyone who says that it can't also be painful, frustrating and agonizing has no business discussing the subject. Ya see, long distance relationships are hard. I say unfortunately because Mandy was my world at the time and we had just been wrapping up her latest visit to Arizona and now it was time to say goodbye yet again. When you're in the freshest stages of love, saying goodbye is always an ordeal. In most people's situations, that goodbye generally is meant for the night or a few days but when you're dating long distance it can mean much longer.
Mandy and I did this dance we did every time we'd get to the point of separation at the airport. We'd make it to the security checkpoint to where we could be together no longer once she passed through but before she went, we'd hug and kiss and say our goodbyes more than once because neither of us were ready to let go. We were never good at it, but there was one time when Mandy wasn't just bad at it, she well......
She stood in the line to go through security and at Sky Harbor that could sometimes be a long line. I watched from a distance, watching her for as long as I could before she disappeared into the terminal. Now I don't know exactly what was going through her head as she slowly progressed in the line but I remember her keep looking back with tears in her eyes and then she did something that to this day may arguably be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. She started shaking her head "no" and then she stepped out of line and headed back to me. With tears still in her eyes and head still turning from left to right she came back to me, hugged me tight and said, "I can't do it. I'm staying."
While things clearly didn't work out for Mandy and I, I will always remember how at the time, this was one of the sweetest and happiest moments of life. I eventually flied her back home weeks later and the whole ordeal set me back a couple hundred dollars but at the time it was worth every penny and more. I'm still waiting to find someone who would want to be with me so much that they'd do something so sweet and impulsive like the girl I once loved. I suppose such a hope is one that keeps me moving forward because I long to be loved like that again and I know that I can be, I just have to find the lovely lady up for the task.
And that's the story of the time I had to buy my girlfriend a second plane ticket.
Mandy and I did this dance we did every time we'd get to the point of separation at the airport. We'd make it to the security checkpoint to where we could be together no longer once she passed through but before she went, we'd hug and kiss and say our goodbyes more than once because neither of us were ready to let go. We were never good at it, but there was one time when Mandy wasn't just bad at it, she well......
She stood in the line to go through security and at Sky Harbor that could sometimes be a long line. I watched from a distance, watching her for as long as I could before she disappeared into the terminal. Now I don't know exactly what was going through her head as she slowly progressed in the line but I remember her keep looking back with tears in her eyes and then she did something that to this day may arguably be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. She started shaking her head "no" and then she stepped out of line and headed back to me. With tears still in her eyes and head still turning from left to right she came back to me, hugged me tight and said, "I can't do it. I'm staying."
While things clearly didn't work out for Mandy and I, I will always remember how at the time, this was one of the sweetest and happiest moments of life. I eventually flied her back home weeks later and the whole ordeal set me back a couple hundred dollars but at the time it was worth every penny and more. I'm still waiting to find someone who would want to be with me so much that they'd do something so sweet and impulsive like the girl I once loved. I suppose such a hope is one that keeps me moving forward because I long to be loved like that again and I know that I can be, I just have to find the lovely lady up for the task.
And that's the story of the time I had to buy my girlfriend a second plane ticket.
And That's the Story of How I Started This Blog
So I've been watching a lot of "How I Met Your Mother" and the show is just, in this writer's opinion, brilliant. Let's skip the obvious part about how I relate to the life and times of Ted Mosby and his friends. While I constantly see personal aspects of my own experiences reflected in the show, what I love so much is the way it's all told as a story to the guy's kids. You see I love telling stories, I like to share moments of my life with anyone who'll listen. I feel like everyone has some great stories of things that happen throughout their life. I know I have many to tell: happy ones, sad ones, funny ones, curious ones and much like the Ted Mosby of the year 2030, I wouldn't mind my future children knowing the stories that made up the the man who would be their dad. And if, heaven forbid, God sees it to not bless me with children, I still would like the stories to be out there.
Worry not friends. All embargoed stories will remain embargoed. That being said, I will be open to requests if you think we have a good story to tell or if there's a particular one you'd be interested in hearing.....like that time at the place with the dude in the shirt! Otherwise, from time to time I may chime in and tell short stories if for no other reason than plain old fashioned inspiration and self preservation. So subscribe to the blog, bookmark the page and check in from time to time.
And that's the story of how this blog got started.
Worry not friends. All embargoed stories will remain embargoed. That being said, I will be open to requests if you think we have a good story to tell or if there's a particular one you'd be interested in hearing.....like that time at the place with the dude in the shirt! Otherwise, from time to time I may chime in and tell short stories if for no other reason than plain old fashioned inspiration and self preservation. So subscribe to the blog, bookmark the page and check in from time to time.
And that's the story of how this blog got started.
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